Through Her Eyes
by frostlight
Summary: What is the best gift you would give a loved one whom you know you would leave behind? Dearkka x Miri pairing. ONE SHOT


**I do not own Gundam Seed.**

Through Her Eyes

by : frost2light

"_That's beautiful, I knew that you could do it if you wanted to. It isn't too hard right?"_

I smiled as I straightened my body from the pose that I had been using since half an hour ago, stretching like a cat to work out to kinks that had formed, taking my time, enjoying the sunshine and the small breeze that was blowing gently as the leaves rustled and danced to the rhythm that only they knew. The camera that had been with me since the beginning of my new career hung around my neck as I took a moment to appreciate the beauty that surrounded me. I had to admit that this is one of the most beautiful places that I have seen so far, the peace and tranquillity that emitted from this place was mesmerizing. A person could stay here forever just looking at the scenery; Huge green mountains that stayed sentry around deep blue sea which sparkled like jewels in the sun, glinting and winking playfully, beckoning and tempting you to join them for dip in the cool refreshing water, to forget all your worries for that one moment as you enjoyed your life. There was a waterfall nearby, nothing fancy, but the sound of the water had the ability of a natural lullaby while you dozed for a while under the sun. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the crisp fresh air, noting the birds that chirped and flew around me, their vibrant colours a contrast against the green background. It was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful and it was because of her that I was able to finally open my eyes and look at the things that I had been missing for so long.

_I want you to see my dreams, would you accept that offer?_

I looked into the distance to the place where the blue sea joined the sky and wondered if anybody could use that way to be with where their loved ones who had gone away while whispering to no one in particular as I let my memories run away, bringing me back to a place and time where she had been there with me. " I know that I can do whatever I want to do, but it's thanks to you that I can do what I'm doing right now, you know that don't you?"

" _Come on slowpoke!" She shouted, her voice alive and filled with joy at the wonder of the world, not at all influenced by the demons that bit slowly away at her soul, devouring her slowly._

" _Don't expect me to run like a normal person, I'm blind remember!"_

" _And I'm sick! Stop giving me that stupid lame excuse!" She shouted back, sticking out her tongue, ignoring my self pity before continuing, " God gave you so many other senses, use them for goodness sake. Stop dawdling, time doesn't wait for slowpokes!" _

A smile played by my lips as I remembered her spunk, her never give up attitude, she had never been one to surrender and with that I had fell in love with the person I had never thought that I would ever fall in love with and never regretted that few days that I had been able to spend with her.

_Till death do us part. I think that is utter crap, death can never part a pair of lovers, don't you think? If a person remembers, they will never be apart, I'll always be with you, you trust that don't you?_

" I agree." I whispered, " But I still wish you are still here. I miss you, Miriallia Haww. How could you take my heart and leave just like that?" A pang of loneliness struck and I looked once more into the distance, remembering her touch, that night under the sky filled with stars, getting to know her better, to know her more, to be her only one.

" _I love you, you know?" She said as she caressed my face while lying on her side beside me. I could feel her eyes staring unwavering at me and I bent down towards where I thought her mouth would be and kissed her gently, wanting to taste more but knowing that I have all night to do just that._

_I smiled before replying, my hands playing with her soft brown hair, " I know. You have always told me what you thought."_

" _What would you have been after the war, if you weren't blind?"_

_I flopped back onto my back and faced the sky, eyes unfocused and unseeing," I don't know, I have never given it much thought, I had always thought with humans around, the war would never ever end. Fighting had been a part of my life for so long, I have no idea what else there is for me to do, it's hard to know that you are no longer needed." I hated the way it sounded at the end and tried to change the topic by reverting the question back towards her, " What about you? What would be doing if you weren't here?"_

_She wasted no time in answering my question, her tone yearning, " I would love to be a photographer, to be able to take pictures that would make people happy, to show that this world is a beautiful place, that happiness is just around the corner if people just looked for it. This world needs more joy and I had hoped that I would be able to provide it."_

" _A photographer huh, that would be interesting, miracles can happen, why don't you do it now?"_

" _Oh I have been taking photos," She said mischievously, her voice dancing. " When you were unguarded, I have been taking photos, and boy oh boy, aren't they just fine."_

" _What? When? Miriallia!" _

" _Oh don't worry, you look extremely handsome in all of them, well… as handsome as you could with jelly all over your face." She said before dissolving in giggles while I tried hard to stay angry with her, but her laughter was infectious and soon both of us were rolling in the grass in mirth._

" _You are a big bully, I never thought that you had that in you." I grumbled but I knew that I was wearing a silly grin on my face. Being in love makes people do extremely crazy things._

" _I never thought that I would do that too, but never did I think that I would fall in love, I never thought that I would be able to. Death have always been so nearby, I was afraid, so afraid that I would die alone." She said, the earlier laughter and joy disappearing into thin air, reality a bitter pill to swallow. _

_I touched her face, feeling through my fingertips her baby soft skin and tried to 'see' what she was like, trying to comfort her the only way I know how. _

" _What are you doing?" She asked softly, snuggling closer towards the warmth emanating from my body, wanting to be closer, to know that she was not alone in this world. _

" _Seeing." My response was simple as I concentrated on my task, I wanted to know how she looked like, how the angel who had came down to save me from me looked like. My eyes were useless after that one incident during the last few days of the war, a flash of bright light, waking up in a hospital and the forever darkness that consumed everything and leaving me with nothing. I did not bother to find out how and what happened, it was all in the past, there was no use finding out the reason why. I just knew that I would no longer be able to see and had allowed myself to drop into a bottomless abyss and to lock myself into a room filled with self pity and throw away the key. The day I had met her was the day she had accidentally came into my room and I had nearly killed her by throwing a knife at her. She dodged in time and had recovered instantly, shouting and cursing at me, scolding me with everything that she had. I had shouted back and since that day, we became friends. It was a funny friendship and as time went past, I knew that I was falling for this girl who had been so brave. She told me that she had very little time to live, she had been extremely frank, letting me know what I was getting myself into and I had replied that I did not care. It was true, I really did not care. I did not care about the future, about the time that she would not be here, I cared more for the time that I would be able to spend with her, to create memories that I would be able to bring with me to my grave. It had seemed so peculiar that she had never asked me to tell her I loved her forever, to tell her that she was my only one. I had asked her once the reason why and she had answered that she did not want to be my only one, that once she was gone, she would like me to find another, to never be alone. That was the first ever time that a woman had told me that, it surprised and touched me. She had always been thinking for others instead of herself and I felt my heart ache, why did a woman like this had to die so young, why didn't people who were sentenced to death in prison over horrible crimes die? Why did she who was pure and kind had to die? I did not understand and I hated this world for making the good people suffer. Leukaemia. What a horrible disease, it ate you from inside, turning your defence against your own self, I hated that word and wished that it was me who had been the victim of that disease instead of her. _

" _Dearkka?" She whispered as she felt my fingers stop and grip tightly into fists. I felt her lips curve up into a smile and I knew that she understood what I was thinking. " It's all right, everything happens for a reason, you think that this is unfair right?" She asked._

_Silence filled the air as I refused to answer and she sighed before continuing what she had intended to tell me in the first place, " But, I think God has been very kind to me, he granted my wish and it was Him after all who had brought you to me, remember?" She said as her entwined her fingers with mine. I forced myself to blink away the tears that had formed in my eyes and used my other hand to continue my exploration. My fingertips brushed by her eyes, her nose, her lips, her neck and she shivered. She caught my other hand and brought it towards where her heart was beating._

_I drew in a sharp breath, my heart racing as my voice caught in my throat. " What..what are you doing?"_

" _Can you feel that Dearkka? This is the first time that it is beating so fast, that it is actually beating for something. This is the first time that I have ever felt so alive, people think that I'm strong. Do you think I'm strong Dearkka?"_

" _You are one of the strongest woman I've ever known." I said sincerely, hand still against her beating heart._

" _You do think so, don't you? I'll let you into a secret, don't tell anybody else all right?" She said and I nodded, feeling extremely curious at her solemn tone. _

" _I cry a lot at night when nobody is around, when there is nobody to see my vulnerability. I hate it when people look at me with pity and sympathy, they don't know what I'm going through, they have no idea of the pain that I experience when those treatments are being given, the horror at seeing myself shrinking and dying away before I'm ready to go. I don't want them to know that it scares me, because showing that I'm scared would make them sad, unhappy. My family are good people, they do not deserve to worry, they do not need this extra burden, that's why I do not show them the truth. They still think that I would be able to get better, that hope is keeping them alive and able to survive through this whole ordeal, I can't bear to let them down, I know that I won't be able to live long but if showing them that I can makes them feel better, then that is what I would do. I thought I could do this alone, to act so happy and strong, with no care in this world, to make myself harden against the loneliness, I really thought that I could, but, I was wrong. It feels so painful, it was even worse than knowing that I would never be better, I know that I had chosen this path, but it was so hard, until you came along, you brought back the sunshine that had been lost so long in my life, for that I thank you, you have no idea what this whole thing means to me." _

" _Miri…" _

" _Don't worry about me, just shut up and let's just be in this moment, please?"_

" You always had to be the strong one don't you, Miri." I said, shaking my head remembering that night when we had just stayed that way the whole night, curving against each other, fitting perfectly into each other contours, providing and taking comfort from each other's presence. Nothing had happened that night, yet it meant everything, the things that she had told me that night was things that she told a trusted person and no one else, she trusted me to be strong for her and I had hoped that I lived up to her expectations.

" _Dearkka, my time is coming, I can feel it." She spoke one day while I was in her room, I could not see her expression then and I was thankful that I could not. The pain and hopelessness in her voice was enough to tear me apart._

" _Miri, you aren't going to give up are you?"_

_She remained silent at that question, that plea, and I knew then she had. " How could you give up?" I asked, anger making my voice loud and harsh._

" _I did not give up Dearkka, I'm not willing to, not after this, but…." She trailed off leaving her sentence unspoken._

" _But, but what?" I pressed on, unwilling to let her off the hook so easily after she had dropped that bomb._

" _I'm so tired Dearkka, my body is dying, I can feel it, there is no stopping that process no matter what those doctors say and do. I know my own self Dearkka and it is telling me to prepare for the future."_

" _Why are you telling me this?" _

" _I don't know, maybe because I need you to give me a reason to fight on." _

" _Miri…"_

" _I know, that was extremely unfair of me, but would you let me go?"_

_I stared in her direction wondering what to say, I could feel my heart breaking, a part of me, the selfish me wanted to tell her that I would not be able to let her go, that she has to stay beside me till the end of time but the other part of me, the sensible part told me that I had to let go, that it would be the right thing to do. I hated this whole situation and that this is a huge big cosmic joke, a cruel and senseless one at that, and the two of us were the unfortunate ones to be the main characters in this scenario. _

" _What do you want me to say Miri? What can I say?"_

" _The truth Dearkka, you know that I would do whatever that I can to do what you want."_

_Finally, finally I spoke, but it came out like a croak, with all the emotion that was choking me, that was the only sound that I could manage, " I want you to be happy, I just want you to be happy." I stood up abruptly to leave the room, unwilling for her to see me cry, but not before I heard what she said and the tears that I had been holding back because big boys don't cry came pouring out. I fell helplessly onto my knees into her embrace, sobbing like a lost child, succumbing to the grief of losing her, of knowing that I had to let her go, that I had chosen to let her go. It was time. _

" _Arigatou. Dearkka, arigatou."_

The woman that I loved with everything that I had left the living world that night, going back to a place where she belonged and leaving behind the people who loved her. I thought my life ended then yet it went on as usual, as if her being here was just a coincidence, nothing was affected, only me. The world still turned, still evolved, and people around us still lived. I stayed in my room, going nowhere and hoping for nothing. Yet fate had something in turn and the day after her death, news came that I was able to operate the following week and that somebody had been willing to donate what was damaged in mine.

The operation was a success and I had spent the next few days drifting in and out of unconsciousness, unwilling to wake up to face the world, wanting only to stay in the dream world where I could still see her, feel her. Yet, in the end with nowhere else to go, I opened my eyes and was able to see. The nurses were overjoyed but I saw nothing to rejoice, the person that I had most wanted to see when I opened my eyes was no longer here, and being able to see brought no happiness to me. I walked listlessly about the whole hospital, remembering the times that we had with each other, ignoring the food and company that had came to visit me, coming back to the only place that I had been able to find joy in the past, but that room was no longer hers and now it was currently occupied by a younger woman with red hair. I did not go back since then.

The day I was preparing to leave the hospital, a nurse handed me a letter, it was addressed to me and I recognized the curvy handwriting that had belonged to that special someone, that person who had left me. I tore the letter with trembling hands and read impatiently what she had to say.

_Dear Dearkka, _

_If you are reading this now, I know that I'm no longer beside you, that I'm no longer living, I'm sorry that I had to do this to you, but you do understand don't you? There is nothing that I could leave for you except memories and I know that on it's own is not enough, not for me and I know definitely not for you. I love you Dearkka Elsman with all my heart, you being there for me ever since we met, I will remember it forever, if there is something called fate then I would gladly be fated to meet you again in the next live and the lives after the next, but for now, I want you to see my dreams, would you accept that offer?_

I had indeed accepted her offer and did more than see her dreams, I made her dream come true. I was seeing the world through her eyes, letting her do what she most wanted to do when she was alive, taking photographs, making people happy with the beauty that was the world. I'm not alone, not then and definitely not now. Through her eyes I'm seeing the world once again.

" Hey, Dearkka! You finished up there?" The guide whom I had hired to bring me up here shouted breaking the train of thoughts, snapping me out of the daze that I had immersed myself in. I looked towards the direction of the voice and noticed a figure walking with his hands in his pockets before grinning, eyes crinkling at the ends.

" Yeah, I'm coming, Himura. Keep your pants on!" I shouted back as I gave one more last look towards the beautiful scenery and walking away from it all to the welcoming coolness of the air conditioned car that was waiting for me.

_Let's go Miri, towards our next destination. Towards your beautiful dreams._

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Author's Note : This is a ficcie that has nothing to do with the original storyline, but I hope that all of you have liked what I wrote.


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